This wickedly twisted work of fiction is © copyrighted 1996 by Cody and Charles Faraone.

- Cast -

(in order of appearance)



Narrater - Bill Roper

Locke Cole - Himself

Gau - Himself

Board of Health Official - Simon Tarsis

Edgar Figaro - Himself

Celes Chere - Herself

Police Officer #1 - Brian Williams

Insurance Agent - Robert Gifford

Sabin Figaro - Himself

Doctor Lugae - Himself

Unemployment Clerk - James Taff

Police Officer #2 - Rebecca Long

Ultros - Himself

Soldier who raises hand at meeting - Kyle Fredsen

Richard Simmons - Himself

James Earl Jones - Himself

Jackie Chan's Agent - Jonathan Shuler

Gwar - Themselves

Bill Ranford - Himself

The Duck in the Corner - The Duck on the Hood of the Car

Snarf - Himself

Terra Branford - Herself

Cyan Garamonde - Himself

John - Chris Latta

Jokey Smurf - Himself

Brainy Smurf - Himself

Ugly Smurf - Himself

Insideout Smurf - Himself

Papa Smurf - Himself

Rocket Control Soldier - Peter Cullen

Setzer Gabbiani - Himself

Mog - Himself

Umaro - Himself

Hand of DooM Communications Officer - Danny Delk

Fred, the Gunner - Krug Partinov

Charles Valroth - Charles Faraone

Rene Gaudin - Himself





Also Starring



Jay Wilbur - Head Lawyer

Tiger Woods - Golfer #1

Julia Childs - Chef

Arnold Palmer - Golfer #2

Richard Nixon - Dead Soldier

Drugy Smurf - Himself



--





Original Idea - Cody Faraone



Director - Charles Faraone



Writing-Part One - Cody Faraone



Writing-Part Two - Cody Faraone, Charles Faraone



Writing-Part Three - Cody Faraone, Charles Faraone



Writing-Part Four - Charles Faraone





--



Music - John Williams, Nobuo Uematsu, Robert Prince III



Digital Effects - Industrial Light and Magic



Matte Artists - Relm Arrowny, Ralph McQuarrie



Foley recording - Charles Faraone



Ninja Expert - J.J.



--



Credits for the remastered

"Rise of Locke's Mafia"



Digital Remastering - THX, a division of Lucas Digital.



Voice of Jabba the Hutt - Howard Stern (Imitating Newt Gingrich's Mother)



All Around Cool 3D Stuff - John Carmack



The Art To Go With It - Adrian Carmack (No relation to above)



--



Nuclear Fusion Cannon provided by the French Government.



Windows 95 appears curtesy of Uncle Bill and the Microsoft Corp.





--



Hand of God Rip-Offs



Number 0 -"Do you have a pen and paper? Are you writing this down?"

Calvin & Hobbes, Revenge of the Babysat



Number 1 -"No one can EVER defeat me!"

Final Fantasy IV



Number 2 -"I already do."

Wing Commander IV



Number 3 -"This pile of rubble...etc."

The Transformers, Mini-series #1: More Then Meets the Eye



Number 4 -"Locke Cole's First Strike"

Jackie Chan's First Strike



Number 5-"Snarf control box"

Transmogrifier, Calvin and Hobbes



Number 6-"Locke's favorite decoration"

Return of the Jedi



Number 7-"Join me, we can rule...etc."

Empire Strikes Back



Number 8-"Please, listen to me. That jerk Locke...etc."

Diablo



Number 9-"The Shuttle Scene"

Return of the Jedi



Number 10-"Wait! I've always wanted to do this!"

Ghost Busters



Number 11-"It all comes down to this."

The Zork series









Soundtrack available soon.





No animals were harmed during the making of this film.

All scenes in which the animals appeared were filmed

under the supervision of the A.S.P.C.A.



(We can get away with saying that because we don't

consider Smurfs animals.)







The producers wish to extend their gratitude to the following:



The Government of Figaro

The New Doman Government

The Imperial Navy

The Towns of Nikeah, Tzen, Albrook, Miranda & South Figaro

Winnibago Industries

The Xerox Corp.

iD Software

SquareUSA



And last but certainly not least:

Our parents, without whom this story would have been difficult to write.











This is entirely a work of fiction. Any similarities between

these characters and any real persons, alive or dead, 

is purely intentional.



This film is protected by an ancient egyptian curse.

Any tampering or illegal copying may lead to 

Mumm-Ra, The Ever-Living paying you a visit.



















Filmed in 16-bit colour. 

























If anything has detracted from your enjoyment of this

story, please contact us immediately so that we may have

the offending web site annihilated.



















































Did anyone notice that Locke gets his check, then talks to Lugae,

then tries to get his check?



FINIS!